A new start

This is going to be a new start im really gonna try and start writing in this every night or morning. Everything is so different now. Nana passed away November 28th, 2011. that day will always be a part of me, thats the day everything changed. my life just feels different now, nothings the same. I have this hole in my heart and it wont go away, i mean i put on a smile and i look fine but inside it hurts. i mean there are times when yeah i am happy but its not the same as before. i just dont understand sometimes, i dont see how this is for a better life for anyone. This was the first person that im close to that ive lost like this, its not going to be my last and this may sound really bad but i wish to god that she wasnt the first person i had to lose, i miss her everyday, i think of her everyday and its never gonna go away :/ This year has just been so weird. I started the year going to school to get my LNA and i ended it with three jobs, and in between guys, sort of.

How do you no what you want to do with you life? Does anyone really no what they want out of life, i mean i no that i want to find someone thats gonna love me and want to get married and then im gonna have children. But what am I doing with my life now except working. i just feel like im not doing anything, i hate sitting around. I mean i love to read and sleep but i hate being bord, i hate just sitting at home doing nothing. i really need to go back to school. Thats what i need to do before the month ends; I need to find out if and when and how much classes are!!