See sometimes I'm good at this lol UGHHH I hate the end/ beginning of the month its the worst time ever. When I have my monthly gift that god that it would be nice for us woman to have, well right now I'm not laughing. Andrew is down in NJ AND they are going on a party bus awesome....not. I hate being jealous but what if there are like strippers and things and he gets drunk or something and hooks up with some girl. I just have such fears that's gonna happen again and I can't always think that but I do and it sucks for him but that's just how I feel.

Anywho lol work was so crazy but good lol it went by really fast thank goodness I hope everyday is like that. I think I'm gonna go to bed early tonight so I don't have to think about him and that stupid party bus. I'll write more tomorrow.

<3

I'm so bad at this lol I try and get on at least once a month.

So lets see, we moved, I got a boyfriend, we got rid of 2 kittens and then got another lol okay lets start.

We moved to Bristol, just up from the place I use to live when I was little. The house is amazing, just enough for us, mums in love with her kitchen. Its HUGE, so many cabinets and drawers and it has a dishwasher and an island :D its amazing, also it has a fire place and my room is huge :] much bigger then my old one. I got a full bed, and a new dresser. I'm also getting a new t.v but we'll see when that happens. I getting fish as well, I already have a fish tank but my fish that daddy and mum got me died :/ its okay though I'm gonna get some more maybe tomorrow.

Okay so the boyfriend. His name is Andrew, I've talked about him before well he asked me to be his girlfriend a few weeks ago :D he's so amazing, the sweetest guy I've ever been with and that's not saying a lot cause I've been with some bad guys but he's like "the one" material at least ;] I'm so happy hes in my life, I think I deserve it after all the BS the last one put me through. He's just so amazing, he's older, responsible, and he may have baggage but I mean everyone does, I'm not about to point it out and say this is why i cant be with you that would be ridiculous and petty of anyone. So he's met my grad mother and my grate grandmother, Auntie and the kids plus uncle Brine. He'll meet the rest of them sooner or later lol the end of the month we have a wedding to go to and he'll meet that part of my family. I'm not sure who's gonna be there but I'm glad I have a date :] the we will be coming back to my house and we are having a house warming party and he'll meet the rest of daddy's part of the family :] I just really hope this works out cause I don't think I'll ever find another guy like Andrew that's for damn sure.

Okay so I told you about the kittens well i got rid of them before we moved because we didnt need anymore cats lol so that was on a Thursday and then I went over to Andrews on a Saturday cause he was house sitting for his boss and so I got home pretty late and when I walked into the house daddy was up which I though was odd so I'm walking down the hall and he stops me and tells me he has a problem and I'm like what's the matter and I walk into the living room and there's a kitten. She's a beautiful calico, very lovable and we kept her lol he name is alley like alley cat :] she scared the crap outta daddy he said lol and everyone loves her, even Antonio and he hates cats lol so my life right now is amazing. I'm very grateful for what I have! :]

okay that's all tonight, I'm tired. I'll try and write more later!

I don't want this night to end. I remember the song Andrew sang to me on our second date :] for the life of me I couldn't remember and I was buying ring tones tonight and I can on and I remember that they had the same voice almost and it just clicked lol :] 

Things are good with Andrew and I, if you didn't get that lol we have been seeing each other for three weeks already isn't that crazy. We are going out Thursday, I love hanging out with him, I'm taking him to concord. He's never had dairy queen lol so I'm gonna take him out for ice cream, I hope he likes it. Oh also I turn 20 this coming Monday I'm very excited! I keep telling him he's not gonna be a cougar anymore :] inside joke sorry any who we are good. 

I might get a new shift at work, that would work amazing I would have everyother weekend off and that alone would be awesome! I could spend a weekend with him ;} okay Ill write tomorrow I'm exhausted. 

oh boy do I hate getting head aches, I had to stay home from work today because of one. The worst thing ever.

So I was going to get a tattoo yesterday but that didn't work because the wait for it was crazy, so I made an appointment for the end of the month or the beginning of next, I'm getting my grandmother's name and he dates on my foot! I'm very excited! 


So Andrew and I are doing very good, it'll be three weeks tomorrow that we are together. Not like anyone's counting lol I'm seeing him tomorrow :] 


Right now I'm sitting here eating strawberry's and watching practical magic :D love this movie. 


I got that book everyone is talking about fifty shades of gray, its very good. I'm only on the second chapter :]  but its still very good. I'm still reading The Help but the ending is so slow, I can't get through it lol its gonna take a little while. 


Well that's it there's not much else to say I'll be going down to Salem this weekend because uncle warren is coming up so I'll get to see him and that'll be fun. But I'm going to bring my computer down so I'll make sure I write :D

So I haven't written since the second of July. Well kinda a lot happened in those four days lol

So I told you about Andrew and my date sunday the first, and we wear gonna meet this coming Monday the 9th but he texted me and wanted to get together sooner, so Tuesday he drove down to Bristol and we drove up to Ashland. He met daddy and mum, he danced with me :] then we watched the fireworks. After we sat in the car talking what seemed like forever but it was amazing. Then the traffic died down so I dropped him off at his truck and we talked there as well, THEN he told me the big secret. Its not really a secret, and he didn't want to keep it from me, he just didn't no how to tell me because he liked me to much but now I no and I'm fine with it! He's 25 and divorced and has a little girl and I mean it's not a big deal but some people would be like you have baggage I don't want to see you anymore, but he's the first amazing guy that I've met in a really long time.

Today I'm going to his home town and he's gonna show me around. :D I'm excited to see him. Its so crazy I can't believe that its been not even a week lol I'm sure hes gonna be in more and more of these I'll keep you updated lol :] 

So last night I went out on a date! He is so amazingly gorgeous :D I don't understand why he's single, but anyways he opened the door to the restaurant and I'm sure he would have pulled out my chair but I beet him to it :] so we sat down around 6 and we didnt leave until 9:45 lol and then we walked around for 2 hrs and talked about everything, he held my hand and picked a flower for me :] he's so tall 6'6" lol but i really like him! Then we went back to my car and he kissed me and then I drove him back to his truck and we kissed some more! He's an amazing kisser, all day I had to tell myself to stop thinking about his kisses back they made me blush and get butterfly oh goodness he's just amazing. lol Mel's mama told me to not let him no that I'm so excited because I need to protect myself, but he might stick around? I really hope he does and is not just looking to get lucky cause like I've said in the past I'm so sick of being single. But I'm going to bed soon because this is the only day that I've gone at a good time, I only got 4 1/2hrs last night so i need all the sleep i can get! I'll write some more tomorrow after the fireworks maybe and I'll take you down to Nashua and Salem as well! :D

So Andrew and I are gonna go out this sunday! :] I'm really hoping things go okay with him, I'm so sick of being alone. Don't ask what we are doing, but I'm sure I'll post about it :D

The kittens no how to get out of the basket now :/ lol they are so bad. I also rearranged my room today, I like when things are different sometimes and I haven't changed it in a long time so its all nice and clean and I really like it. When we get the new house (knock on wood) I need to get a new bed set because this one sucks. You no what I really want to do....clime or drive Mt.Washington. Maybe if things are good with Andrew he'll do that with me! he'll have to be in the car for like a million hours but we can do that later and if I have to do it alone I'll do that to cause I really want to do that!! oh goodness I really hope that I sleep in tomorrow morning, I woke up at 730 this morning. I'm just gonna roll back over if that happens. I got my nails did today, they kinda hurt a little bit but they look really good! Oh goodness magic mike this Saturday, I'm gonna be tired come Monday, the movies Saturday and then out on a date Sunday goodness I'm never gonna get sleep. Hopefully both days go by fast!! lol I'm sure they wont cause that's always what happens. lol okay till another day! :D

oh goodness I'm very tired today and I wanted to punch my co worker. She drives me crazy, she thinks because I'm young I don't no anything. I've been doing my job for a year, if I had just gotten out of school that's one thing but I didn't I no what I'm doing but every little thing I do she has to say that's wrong or moves something I put somewhere. UGH it makes me so crazy! I'm a little further in my book, IT'S SO GOOD!! The movie was really grate to but the book you see everyone's story and I like that! Andrew and I are still talking, I hope it works. I'm so sick of being alone. I kinda sound desperate maybe a little but I just want a man that will love me for me and want to be with me. Its really not a lot to ask, I don't think at least.

I'm gonna rearrange my room tomorrow! It desperately needs a cleaning so I'm gonna move things around and put them away so when we move (knock on wood) I'll no where everything is! :] well that's the plan anyways! :D I also have to get my oil changed and check a few things in my car cause my check engine light came on yesterday afternoon when I got out of work but went off when I went to the baseball game so I don't no I'll just have marty look at it. Hope it's nothing to big!
Okay night all!  

So I'm still talking to Andrew, he's to cute! But we need to go out so I can see for sure! I've started to read the help, I watched the movie and I absolutely loved it so I'm gonna read the book!

Today was good, I have to find another home for one of the kittens cause my aunt doesn't have anyone :/ So we'll see. I wanna kill my dog lol she keeps chewing things up in my room, and at four in the morning shes wines cause she wants to go out and I haven't been able to sleep cause of her. UGH I just want to kill her sometimes. No what I really wanted to do this morning was put her out and leave her in her kennel and leave her there so she wouldn't be waking me up anymore. I wish it was hot again, I just got a bathing suit I can't use till it gets hot again lol oh I'm really tired today, I can't wait to go to bed, but its to early it'll be a little bit before that happens :] well night all

As we type as it may be I have this adorable kitten on my chest! They are four weeks old and they just learned how to clime out of there laundry bin lol they are so cute I just love them.

Life is good right now, I'm talking to a few guys, ones named Andrew, hes really cute. Blond hair, blue eye's,  tall, like really tall. Okay I'm 5'1" and he's.....6'6" lol big difference but he said he doesn't care, also he lives like an hour away but I mean we could go out see how thing's go? Then there's this other guy, I kinda don't no his name but i don't think we are talking anymore lol I don't no its all so crazy. Work is good not much to report on that front. I'm going down to see nana and then over to grampy's for the 4th I do believe! I really wanna go swimming, I just got a new bathing suit so I wanna go soon. Oh and there are only 21 almost 20 days still my birthday!!! :D I'm so excited, I wont be a teenager anymore lol I'll be the big 20 lol can you tell that I'm excited! okay well bed for this girl I'll try and write tomorrow!

today was a better day then yesterday thank goodness. I watched a movie (again, you will find out that I like movies) called act of valor. It was a very good movie it made me cry though.

I hate guys, I say that a lot it seems. I just wish I could find a guy that doesn't cheat, lie, and just treats me right. I just want someone that will see me for me, someone not afraid to be seen with in public and will love on me. I think that's the most thing I miss about a relationship, I miss the kissing lol its not all physical I no that but that's what I miss, being able to look over at that person and just kiss them.

I didn't tell you yesterday, we are moving. The parents sign the final papers July 27th (hopefully) I'm excited! Bigger room and my baby brother doesn't have to walk through my room, plus it has central air and a amazing kitchen! Mum says shes gonna cook, we all just looked at her funny lol

I think that's all for today, I need to get to sleep. until tomorrow :]

Oh goodness I haven't written in a very long time. Tonight I was watching a movie and I realized I that I needed to write things down because I can't keep crying all the time about my grad mother I no that it takes a long time to get over something like I went through I just need to write it down because I'm on my computer a lot so I'll just do it whenever I'm on :]

It's hard for me to talk to a people that didn't no my grad mother because she did a lot of not so good things in her live and when I do talk to my family they tell me that it'll go away on it's own and I don't want to talk about it with like a shrink because that would just be a wast of money that I don't have, also it's not like I'm depressed, I don't no what I am. All I no is that whenever I here a certain song or watch a movie where they are talking about god or someone dies and there is a funeral i can't help but ball my eyes out and I wish it didn't happen but it does every time. I looked up the seven stages of grief and they are,


1. Shock and Denial


     Now I never went through this because nana had cancer and daddy would tell me all the time "nana's not gonna live forever and sooner or later she's gonna die" and whenever he would talk about it I would ignore him because I didn't want to here about it or talk about it because I didn't think it was gonna happen like it did so I didn't really go through this stage.


2. Pain and Guilt


      Now in the paragraph after this it says " As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain." Now when uncle Scott called to tell me nana had passed away it hurt so bad for a few days and I don't no how long this is supposed to last but it just hurt when he told me and for the rest of that day it didnt really hurt after and I don't no if that's wrong but everyone's different so I guess its normal for me as for the guilt part I was felt guilty because I wasn't there when she died. I wish I could have been, to say good bye one last time but every time I go down to grampy's which to tell you the truth isn't a lot cause it hurts but every time I go down there I go into there room and sit next to her urn and talk for a bit and kiss her. 


3. Anger and Bargaining


       Now I definitely was angry I didnt understand why it had to happen to her when I needed her in my life so much but then she was just gone and I didn't even get to say good bye, I wish she just opened her eyes once more so I could have told her and have her look at me, it's still so hard, like I can't remember to the last time I called her. I think it was a long time, like the week before she was hospitalized she had surgery and I don't think I called to see how she did. It just makes me mad and I wish I could turn back time. So I guess that's bargaining? lol 


4. Depression, Reflection and Loneliness


       Now in this stage its telling you to go through it and not be talked out of it "Engorgement is not helpful to you in this stage of grieving", you finally realize the magnitude of your loss and it depresses you, you    
isolate yourself on purpose, and reflect on things you did with your loved one. you may feel emptiness. Now no one talked me out of grieving because i don't really think people payed much attention and I'm really good at hiding things like that. Yeah I realized nana was gone but i knew that before and I was already sad but I wouldn't go so far to say depressed. I didnt isolate myself I tried not to think about it when I was working and then when I drove home late at night I would ball my eyes out because of things that I remembered or saw at work or even a song. I still reflect on things I did with nana and I think of things I never got to do with nana and that makes me even sadder/madder and yeah of course I felt emptiness, I just lost one of the people I never wanted to die. 


5. The upward turn 

       Adjusting to life without your dear one, your depression begins to life slightly. This stage came faster because I had to go back to work, I mean I was still depressed I guess but it wasn't as bad it was getting better I would only cry every other day instead of everyday and I still cry every once in awhile just not every day or every other. So i guess its true it does begin to lift slightly. 

6. Reconstruction and Working through 


       Becoming more functional, starting to reconstructing your life without your loved one. I think I was always functional, and my life didnt fall apart because I had my father and mother, not that I talked to anyone but they wear there and I just cried a lot and it seemed to help lol the saying is true no matter how much I hate it, but "life must go on" and that's exactly what it did.


7. Acceptance and Hope 


       The seventh stage, you learn to accept and deal with your situation, acceptance doesn't mean instant happiness, you will never return to your other self because you've changed, but you will find a way forward. Now I don't no wear I am, because I've accepted that nana wont be coming to my wedding or see any of my babies, but I still cry a lot. I'm never gonna be my old self because now I no what it feels like to lose someone that I'm that close to, she was my first and I no that she wont be my last but I'm never gonna forget anything about this process.  And I have no clue what the hope BS is because I can hope until my face turns blue that she's gonna come back but its not gonna happen. I personally think it should just be acceptance, because that's what I've done, accepted it, I just don't like it very much. But I'm gonna live my life for her because she can't.

I'm never gonna forget her, I'm never gonna stop thinking about her and she's always gonna be on my mind and in my heart. Now I just have an extra angle watching over me! :] 

This is Nana and Grampy dancing at someones wedding along time ago!

oh my

I havent writen in like almost 20 days, and so much has happened.

I dont no where to start.

Lets me Ive been working a lot, hanging out with a really good friend taylor :] going to the gym, im still talking to brandon. :]

My ex might be moving home, i dont no if im happy for him or nourvous for myself. i just hope that me and brandon hit it off so i dont have to worry about anything lol OH we are moving, my parents are buying a house, im helping a little but we are buying a new house. Im so excited!! We can start moving in april 27th, if they get the money then thats the day they sign and we can start moving in that night if we wanted. I keep thinking of all the things i need to pack and its alot, like think of all the things in your house. all the things you have in cabnets and drawers its so crazy. Im gonna have to start soon lol

I wonder how the animals are gonna take it, i hope raven and jazzy and abby dont ever get out cause i wouldnt no where to look if they ran away lol im really sad kinda that we are leaving here cause this is where buster is and when we leave i wont be able to visit him anymore, and people will start to think im crazy talking to my dead dog.

omgoodness last night i worked 16hrs im so tired, i hate the scedualing. like they have seven on monday and one five thurday, they make  no since so im gonna try to get tomorrow switched for thursday so we will have six girls on both days i really hope i get it to cause im really tired, going to bed soon!

okay ill try and write tomorrow.

after all this time.

well i had a sorta good night up untill about 5 minutes ago. i hate how im over something and i really should be by now and then someone says one thing and it all comes rushing back
UGH ALK;JADFIJLASDFJLSADFJL;ASDFJA[SIJFKAWLK i just want to punch something or someone.

I got slaped tonight by a resednet lol she aparently didnt like what i was doing and she refused hers meds so i got slapped right acrost the face lol so i think we are going to be moving, if my parents get the hosue they want we will be in there by the end of april which is like less the 2 months. i just cant imagin not living here, i mean ive lived here for ten years that a long time. crazy.

ugh moments like these i wish my bestfriend didnt live so far away cause i miss her like crazy! okay well im done for tonight, im to mad to write any more lol
<3

a girls day....kinda

This is about 3/5/12 lol
So today was my day off...untill this weekend and i was suposto get up at like seven so i could go meet my phisical trainer but my dumb alarm didnt go off or i didnt here it and when i woke up my phone said 758 so i had to call pf and tell them i would rescedual which kinda sucks but i got to sleep for another hr and a half lol then i got up did the dishes watched a little tv folded laundry and some socks did my own laundry lol then i read my book i had to drop my brothers off so they could go look at a house my parents are thinking about buying and i needed to go to the bank then i came home took a shower (before going to the gym lol) then i met up with a girl is a really good friend named taylor and her boyfriend and we went to the gym and then we went out for dinner had a fun time, its so funny with her we can always make eachother laugh so much no matter wear we are i mean we wear in my car just waiting for hers to warm up and she had me crying i was laughing so hard! I just love that girl!

So yeah my parents are buying a house, im going to look at it tomorrow with my mom cause my father and brothers have already seen it and love it lol so im excited. i mean i love the house we live in now i mean ive lived here since i was nine but its going to be nice to have my own space and not to have my little brother have to walk through my room to get to his! privicy what i would pay for that! lol and i think it would be nice to live in an actual house not a trailer not that i dont love this house cause i do but it'll just be nice and warm lol

So boy: hes back at schoool so we arent talking as much cause hes always in the studio, i cant wait for may to get here, i hope we hit it off. i really want a relationship with somoene and he just seems like the perfect guy for me. yeah no.

I just finished the first season of one tree hill SO good lol now onto the second one tomorrow. Oh and i also filled out like 5 applications at LRGH so hopefully i get a call back or something cause that would be awesome, i just cant take the nursing home anymore its just braking my heart more and more everytime someone dies and i cant take it anymore.

okay im done. more tomorrow.

so i havent writtin in a few days kinda just tired and dont have the energy to do it lol aka being lazy :]

Ive come to relize that i hate long distent anything, wheather its relationships or friendships i like when someone is close so if i want to see them all i have to do is go over, I cant wait till may, thats when im meating this new boy, i hope everything works out im so sick of being single. i mean i dont want to get merried right away but i just want someone that i can tell everything to and be around and just have fun with cause all i do right now is work sleep and go to the gym and thats just sometimes except tomorrow im getting up really early and going to see a personal trainer so he/she can whip my butt into shape! :] im so excited!

So one of my good friends is moving home, she'll be here tuesday and im so excited. she lived in florida for like four years or something and ive only seen her like twice since so im really excited to meet up with her!

I really want to get that tattoo soon i need someone to designe it for me though cause i dont really no what i want yet i forgot to ask my gradfather the other night when i was there what kind of irsh crose her family had cause thats what i want on my foot that and her name, birthday and death on my foot. I miss her. tomorrow im making a list of things i need to do.

1. get up early and go to gym.
2. apply for doctors offices and hospitals from plymouth to concord.
3. Do laundry.
4. write my uncle a letter cause i miss him.
5. clean my room cause its bad lol
6. take my dogs for a walk cause they need it (except ill have to go into town cause we cant walk on our road its to snowy lol)

i think thats about it. oh and watch my red box movie that like 4 days overdo lol

so thursdays post was a little dramatic. me and my father had this big talk and i understand where hes coming now and he understands why i was so mad. but he tells me to tell him when i mad i cant cause all he does is yell and my dads a big guy 6'2" big guy around so hes a little scary sometimes not that he would ever hurt me but hes scary. but anyways im not moving out, im gonna save my money and then get a really nice place and they are buying a new place so we'll see what live brings us.

Ugh i have the hiccups i love but hate them lol

its raining out on top of the snow we got yesterday, ugh i have to work today and tomorrow and then i have monday off and that day cant come soon enought!

whats done is done and you cant take it back

Im moving out of my house. Ive decided this today that i cant live with my parents anymore.

Last night i couldnt go to sleep and i finially fell asleep around 230, so he calls me around 1030 no biggie w/e and im still really tired, so i stay in bed. now yesterday i couldnt leave because tyler my younger brother had a friend my dad doesnt trust over so i had to stay home and watch them, well i didnt do very much i did the dishes but not much else so today i got up around noon and my mom texts my dad saying "guess who just got up a noon" so he calls me saying why are you just getting up now when i called you two hrs ago and you could be doing things like folding laundry or doing the dishes which you should have done yesterday but no your just laying in bed being useless and if you dont like my rules then move out so i am.

UGH i hate parents sometimes, expecally since i pay rent im so sick of the bs. so im going to see an real estate agant tomorrow and get a studio appartment someonewhere or just a reguler appartment idc but im getting out of this house.

Day by day

Oh goodness it feels like today never wanted to be over lol
i had to work for the first time in a few days so it was a little tiring. tomorrow im going to start filling out applacations for doctors offices all over the place, im just so sick of the nursing home, it makes me sad and its all over the place and i mean i like everyone there but i cant stand always being short staffed and like tonight i just couldnt deal with a few resedents because idk i just didnt have the patients for it today.

I hate when people ask you questions that they either no the answers to or that they have no buesness noing the answer but they ask the question any ways. it drives me crazy, like why ask if you already no or i never talk to you so why are you asking me something so personal. i dont think people think before they talk sometimes and they really need to 99% of the time.

Brandon and me are still talking :] hes still in florida lucky little brat lol hes so sweet, i think hes either still at the park thats open all day or that he fell asleep cause his frend and him havent slept like at all since they've been down there lol

It has been exactly one month since ive written a post

It has been exactly one month since ive written anything and it has been two three months since i lost a very important person in my life.

Lets see whats happened in this past month, ive gotten full time at the nursing home im working for, ive been talking to this new boy named brandon, i went and visited my grad father(the one who lost my nana 3 months ago) for the first time since the furneral, i visited my best friend for the day and i spent the night at my fathers mothers. Ive started talking to my ex boyfriend. Ive relized that i dont want to be an lna anymore. and ive read about 5 books lol

Yes finially, ive gotten full time second shift (3-11) five days a week and then i relize i dont want to do it anymore :]

Yes another boy but this one is a guy or man whichever you prefer. Hes 23, he lives in NY but is moving to the lakes reagon this may. Hes about 6'1" he has blond hair and blue eyes and everytime i think about it he remides me of hitler because hes "perfect" lol hes going to school to become an architect :] hes a really nice guy so far but we are just friend for now, hopefully. i have to actually meet him before i can say anymore! :] but ill keep you updated

Yeah the past 3 days ive been away, the first night i spent the night at my grad mothers (my fathers mother) that was fun it was the first time and shes lived at her old person appartmant for 3 years lol shows how much i go down there :/ then yesterday i went and visited melissa <3 that was a much needed visit because i was missing her very much! we went out for lunch and had an amazing meal and then window shopped for about two hours! then i went to my gradfathers and i didnt relize how hard it was going to be, but boy was it hard, he talked about her and gave me some things and i broke down. I went to the bathroom and called melissa back and balled my eyes out for like ten minutes then talked to her for about 45 more minutes lol i was okay after that but it was just so hard.

So ive talked to my ex boyfried in the last 3 weeks twice, we havent talked in a year and a half and then he asked me to be his friend on FB and i said why not, so we have been kinda talking and he asked to get together when he comes home the end of march, but we'll see!

Yeah so ive decided that i dont want to be an LNA anymore, im just sick of the dieing and the sadness so i think i want to be a bank teller! that would be awesome, i have to look into it but we'll see!

oh yeah ive read 6 books in this past month rosebush, the secret year by Jennifer R. Hubbard, Nauti Intentions, only pleasure, dangerous pleasure all by lora leigh and i just started the newest black dagger brotherhood series book unleashed by J.R. Ward :D

thats all for now, ive decied every day i go on facebook ill have to make a post even if its just on my phone! good plane right?

Well that went well

So work was boring, i hate doing nothing the only time that we we're busy was when we had to serve food. then it was crazy cause all the residents are in there rooms so it was crazy. And then i went in the med room to count with sandie/ and i saw there was a letter for me in the box so i opened it its a apsentee notice, it was for 1/8/12 and 11/11/11 i wasnt even on the scedual for 1/8/12 and 11/11/11 i called her a day before and told her my grad mother was dieing and thats why i wasnt in work. im not signing shit and if she wasnt to pursue it anymore ill go head to head with her ERRRR.....she makes me so mad sometimes. okay im done.

Soooo

So your ex boyfriend asks you to be his friend on fb and when you broke up it was on bad turms, what do you do? I accepted, just because i was curious, i new that he had a child (that was the reason that we split up, he cheated typical guy) andi wanted to see what it looked like boy or girl and what not, shes a girl and shes so cute, doesnt look anything like him but w/e she must be his!? So i messged him last night,  idk he doesnt have to answer it i just said "hi. havent seen your face in a long time, your daughter is beautiful. hope your doing well" So he doesnt have to reply or anything i just though it was a nice things to do. its not like i have any feelings for him or anything and i dont want to get back together with him but it would be nice just to talk i guess. i dont hate him anymore or anything, it was just hard on me when i found out he cheated, but its been over a year so im fine now. Anyways, work tonight was fine, i like working with jess alot more then april just because april doesnt no what shes doing and jess does. work was more smoth thank god! Okay well i have to get up and get ready to go to work today :/ ill write more later. oh i hate when uncle is deployed. hes gonna be gone a year this time. thats a long time especially since they just had a baby, and i guess ryan is taking it really hard :C it makes me really sad. oh one more thing I HATE WHEN PEOPLE DIE! My uncle same passed away yesterday morning. :/ the furneral is tuesday. he past away one day shy of nanas 2  month mark. :/

Hate when we are short staffed UGH

So tonight we have 4 girls on, are you kidding me UGH i hate when we are short staffed when i worked for like 5 days in a row we had more girls then we knew what to do with but now that im trying to get full time there are none and we get stuck with four its so crazy and then the 11-7 people get mad at us cause other people arent in bed, well sorry there isnt enough hands to go around  maybe if the person that was scedualed to come in came in when she was suposto then we would have everyone done, i didnt leave work untill 11:35 tonght when im suposto leave at 11, 11:15 at the latest yeah okay. i didnt even have my computer work done till 11:30 thats why i got out so late its so ridicules, they need to scedual better and if someone calls out call someone in because its so dangerous for us to work with only 2 people on one side, people try to get out of bed by themself and sometimes we cant even get people into bed. UGH its so annoying, and if the state came in there would be some big problems its a safty thing. okay enough about that. Im so tired i didnt get very much sleep last night, im going to shut off the light in the middle of the living room/ kitchen cause i cant sleep with it on i hate it. so if they dont like it to bad, i cant sleep, and speaking of sleep its calling my name. ill write more tomorrow.
<3Katie

I guess this is life

I really want to go to hawaii, like ALOT! I need money though :/ I want to see my family and yes i just want to be warm again! lolI also hate guys, the are so dumb. I hate that they say one thing and then do another. I was going to go out twice this week with two different guys and they both cancled on me. UGH i just hate guys, one of the guys just called me and watched me to come over later tonight, could you say booty call. i just hate that i wish i could find a nice guy thats not gonna just want me for sex.
So im still looking on how to get a flight attendent job i have to keep looking. also i need to get my own place i cant stand living at home anymore. its just so hard i hate that i pay rent and i still have to tell my parents where im going and what time ill be home, i hate that especially since i pay rent i really should have to do that.
i love working only 2 days a week but i dont no what im going to do when i have to work full time 5 days a week i think i might go crazy. lol
okay im done going to watch a movie or read before bed! Night

UGH

I really hate when a guy says one day, yeah we'll go out tomorrow and then texts you saying "oh i have to study but if you want to come over later" your pretty much asking for a booty call ugh i hate guys, :/
So nothing really happened today. i slept almost 9 hrs it was amazing! :D then I really didnt do anything till around 2ish i went to Danielles and played with jake :] he is so cute i love that little boy, im gonna have to start going over there more often cause i miss them! then i came home and adam text me and told me what was going on so then i just cleaned around the house and now im doing this. ugh what a day, hopefully tomorrow ill go out with codey, cause i really want to go out! :D

So yesterday i slept over aunties it was fun i havent dont that in a long time, we watched movies nothing scary like we usually do but its okay we had a good time, then this morning i woke up to nick crying cause he couldnt have something, ugh i hate when they do that. and when abby screams thats drives me crazy to. i stayed there most of the day. i came home around 4, i knew we wearnt doing anything today so i didnt really want to go home, but when i got home me and mum went to tilton and went shopping which was really nice. I told jake that i would think about talking to him again, i really dont no that cause he was just so mean to me last time that i dont no if i can even talk to him and like him again and i really like adam even though he might not feel the same. but anywho i bought a book today called the pregnancy project, it was on Dr. Phil and i dont watch dr. phil but it was on one morning and they wear talking about this book, i really think im going to like it! :D So nothing new other then that, ill write more tomorrow. :D

So im working only working like 2 days a week but omgoodness is it kicking my butt, but we wear short both days so we only had 2 girls on one side and three on the other and we had 12 each thats alot when we usually have like 7 or 8,  UGH but w/e i have like the next week off before i have to work again so its nbd :]
I wish life and relationship wear easy, but i guess whats why its life? I just want a nice guy that loves me. UGH sometimes i wish i could fast fwd and then you could go back, i just want to see what life holds for me you no.
UGH i hate when i think about my ex, i hate when i think of all the things that could have been or that should have been untill he blew it up, i hate when things dont go the way that i want to lol okay well im just really tired so ill write more tomorrow.

You never no whats gonna happen

So i told you i was gonna try and write in this everyday, so here i am! :D So its snowing out im not really excited about it, but w/e. I have to get up early tomorrow :/ tyler doesnt have a second midterm so i have to get him around 930 tomorrrow not really looking forward to that lol So this new guy i started talking to tonight, his name is jon hes 25 and he lives right down the road from me which i think is really funny :D But we will see i mean we just started talking so w/e and im still talking to adam kinda idk whats going on there, he doesnt seem to interested anymore and i just wish he would say that. I need to talk to him and see whats up. and codey well he just wants to get into my pants theres nothing elts to that. all i want is to find someone thats gonna love me for me and thats it, honestly is that to much to ask?
I miss my best friend, i wish her school wasnt so far away, i mean im greatfull its not so far but still 2 hrs both way thats a long drive just to visit, thats why when i go down to see family ill go visit her! Its just hard sometimes but thank goodness i got skype now! i just miss having her right down the street so if i really need her i can just drive over. okay okay enough with the pity party.
Work was crazy tonight, we wear short so there was only 2 and 2 when theres suposto be 3 and 3 lets just say it was a long night and no one got showers. lol i would really like to work in a hospital, i really need to look to see whats coming up for classes, cause i was talking to mels mom and she said that if i wanted to work in the ob part of the hospital, which i really want to do, then i would most likely have to have my LPN or my RN i just dont think i want to be an RN its alot of school and i just dont no if thats what i want to do the rest of my life thank goodness im yough. okay thats enough for tonight. Have a good night, drive safe!! <3

A new start

This is going to be a new start im really gonna try and start writing in this every night or morning. Everything is so different now. Nana passed away November 28th, 2011. that day will always be a part of me, thats the day everything changed. my life just feels different now, nothings the same. I have this hole in my heart and it wont go away, i mean i put on a smile and i look fine but inside it hurts. i mean there are times when yeah i am happy but its not the same as before. i just dont understand sometimes, i dont see how this is for a better life for anyone. This was the first person that im close to that ive lost like this, its not going to be my last and this may sound really bad but i wish to god that she wasnt the first person i had to lose, i miss her everyday, i think of her everyday and its never gonna go away :/ This year has just been so weird. I started the year going to school to get my LNA and i ended it with three jobs, and in between guys, sort of.

How do you no what you want to do with you life? Does anyone really no what they want out of life, i mean i no that i want to find someone thats gonna love me and want to get married and then im gonna have children. But what am I doing with my life now except working. i just feel like im not doing anything, i hate sitting around. I mean i love to read and sleep but i hate being bord, i hate just sitting at home doing nothing. i really need to go back to school. Thats what i need to do before the month ends; I need to find out if and when and how much classes are!!